What X-Men teaches us about autism/Asperger’s…

On Monday, I used this scene from X-Men: First Class when I talked about it being society and not our kids that are disabled. But this one is so important that I thought it deserved its own blog.

I think that Magneto/Eric makes a very valid point…especially for our Aspie kids. They spend so much energy, effort and time trying to ‘look normal’ that they cannot truly concentrate on anything else. I know this was especially true of PanKwake during her one year in ‘school.’ She spent the whole day trying to mimic the behaviors of the other kids that it exhausted.

To make matters worse…the one time during that long day (especially for an Aspie four year old) that she dropped the mask, she was penalized. You see this school had the absolute worst reward system on the face of the earth…only your last action counted. That’s right…one screw up and you are a failure was the message they taught our kids. They had a board with circles on it…gold, silver, green, yellow and red. Every child had a name card and the teacher would tell them to move it from one circle to another.

Because PanKwake had spent the whole day trying to ‘look normal’ by the end of the day she was exhausted. Of course, to make matters worse the end of the day was when everyone cleaned up…one of her least favorite things to do. So every day, she ended up on red or yellow so she did not get a reward. And those bullies who had terrorized her on the playground got a prize…because they picked up a couple of toys. WTF? So I was left with an exhausted and cranky child to get home. A near impossible task without a meltdown.

The thing is that is how society as a whole treats its people…’normal’ or special needs. They judge you on one single moment…and not all the good that came before. They cannot accept anything that does not exactly fit its mold of perfection. So when your ‘blue’ comes out like Raven’s/Mystique’s…even for a second…you are rejected. All you did before does not count. And to make it worse…neither does all the good you do after. That single ‘blue’ moment defines you…sometimes forever.

We need to move away from that…we need to face head on the damage that society is doing…not just to our Aspie kids but to all of us. We need as they do to reject old rules and norms that divide us…and begin to make the new norm…ACCEPTANCE.

And I am afraid that while Charles Xavier’s ideals may appeal to my optimist, my realist side stands firmly in Eric’s camp…peace was never an option. Society is too entrenched in the old ways to willing embrace anything that is different. The only way forward is MELTDOWN…like our children to stand by their sides and militantly shout, kick and scream our right to be different. As a seamstress, I know that when a garment is sewn wrong the only way to fix it is to first rip it apart.

And that is why…ADVOCACY is the only way forward. In your face, kiss my *grits*, I have the right to be here, to use this facility, to do this thing. Of course, we can first try Dr. X’s nice way…sometimes individuals themselves will accept our ‘blue-ness’ but society as a whole…will not…unless we make them. We have to demand our rights…just to exist. But then too that is our ultimate gift and purpose…to drag society kicking and screaming into the new age.

So I stand with Magneto…and Mystique…Mutant and PROUD!

Disabled?!?

I have been battling with my local community center over my Aspie (high-functioning autism) daughter attending the trampolining class for ‘normal’ kids her age even though they offer ones separately for the ‘disabled.’ PanKwake has been attending¬†for about three months now and it was mostly fine.

Except for one mother and grandmother, who resent and complain about the one modification necessary for my child to access them…she is fixated on one specific trampoline. The other week they instigated a horrendous meltdown by putting their child on ‘her’ trampoline even though there were two others open. As a result there has been escalating issues (which hopefully are now solved…fingers crossed). The kicker…these people have ‘disabled’ children themselves…a girl with severe cerebral palsy and two boys who attend the same class that are also Aspie. Problem is that this woman demands my child attend that ‘disabled’ class. And I refuse.

Why? Because the greatest hope for my child is mainstreaming. Not the crappy stuff that schools do, where they force our Aspie square pegs to fit into the round holes of society. But true integration whereby my child is able to access as many activities as she can comfortably manage with some modifications. Equally though where the ‘normal’ children are taught understanding and compassion. Where being different is not frowned upon or some secret to be hidden but rather something to be celebrated…not just PanKwake’s differences but the other children’s as well. In other words…a place where acceptance and tolerance are the norm. In this way, PanKwake’s limits are pushed and she is challenged to be her best. And at the core, the next generation are taught values for the 21st century.

This is not to say that we do not support special disability classes. We utilize the Thursday night swim sessions for the disabled almost weekly. In that case, the swimming pool is simple to crowded, loud and chaotic for her to enjoy in a general swim session. These twice weekly ‘special needs’ sessions have only a couple dozen people and PanKwake benefits from the more relaxed set of rules. But it in no way offers the same quality of socialization. She virtually ignores most of the other people in the pool for one simple reason…

12009603_1642281972654190_8146444174564625368_nFor those with Asperger’s or high-functioning autism they have far more in common with ‘normal’ people than others lower on the autistic spectrum. And with some understanding and a modicum of accommodations all can benefit from an inclusive environment. PanKwake by learning and practicing those hard to understand social cues that will allow her to become all that she can be…and those ‘normal’ kids by having core values such as compassion, understanding and acceptance modelled for them. Values that apply not just to the disabled but to…race, religion, sexual orientation and a hundred other things.

Next Monday I will take this a bit deeper and explain why I think that it is not PanKwake who is ‘disabled’ but our society.